PERTHSHIRE LADIES MCC

Well here we are, another couple of months has past and it will soon be Christmas!!! I am determined to get this issue out on time ha ha ha, believe it when you see it! Good news Helen is going to come back as editor of the newsletter. I am so pleased as I know that Helen was feeling that she was missing out now that she has given up the bike, but this is her way of keeping involved with the club so pass on any articles etc. to Helen from this issue on. WELCOME BACK HELEN.

Do the two mix? YES - if you own one as well as a motorbike (we like something powerful between our legs be it 1hp, or 600hp).

NO - if like Tracey you come round a bend to eight being lead down the middle of the road, or in my case I was quite happily riding along on Guinness (note the alcohol related name) when a motorcyclist coming towards me locked his rear brake and dump his bike and pillion on the road in front of me. Guinness’s thoughts as the bike crashed to the ground ‘Oh f**k’, and promptly dumped me on the road, thank goodness I was wearing my riding hat. As I dizzily came to my feet to try and keep hold of Guinness with two bits of leather over his ears (the rest of the bridle was hanging round his neck!) The driver who was behind me ran past asking if I was OK while she ran over to m’cyclist and pillion (what about me? M’cyclists have tough jackets and armour I’m in my long sleeved t-shirt and jods – which make my arse look a lot bigger than it really is – honest!).

BikeSafe is an initiative run by Police Forces around the United Kingdom who work with the whole of the biking world to help to lower the number of motorcycle rider casualties.

By passing on their knowledge, skills and experience, police motorcyclists can help you become a safer more competent rider.
They help you to increase your ability and confidence, so you can get even more enjoyment from riding your motorcycle.

Leaflets available through most motorcycle outlets or call: Tayside Police 01307 303890

Silver Sands - Lossiemouth (overnight)

Saturday 30^th August

The caravans are all now fully booked, so anyone else who still wants to join this trip will have to camp. A good time is planned and it will give us a chance partake in a glass or two, three, four, five of some happy beverage. Lots of club members going, come and join us, the more the merrier.

Biker’s Tip (that’s tip not tit!)

Bothered with being bitten by midges, flies etc. when outside, try putting on some of Avon’s ‘Skin so soft’ range, seemingly doesn’t matter what fragrance, but I can vouch that it keeps the little buggers away as well as horse flies. We tried it when at Applecross (I was up helping Tracey to celebrate her birrrttttthdayyy hic!) and I came home bite free and I’m usually plagued by them, had a bit of a sore head though – don’t think it was the quality of booze more the quantity…………….

Gillian (Wilson) and myself did the Tesco Race for Life at Perth, we took the easy way round by walking (next year we are going to run it). The day was exceptionally sunny and warm and the 20 minute aerobic warm up before the start had us both exhausted even before we started. We set off with all 941 other entrants (we were number 937 and 938), and were really enjoying ourselves busy chatting as we went - then we were back at the finish line – between us both we managed to raise about £110. We wore our PLMCC t-shirts with pride! Well done to anyone else from the club who took part but I didn’t know about.

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY and Best Wishes from PLMCC to Hillary who celbrated her 50^th in June and to Tracey who celebrated her 40^th in July. They don’t look old enough must be riding m’bikes that keeps them looking young!

‘TAKE A BREAK’

I have an apology to make as I forgot to mention TAKE A BREAK in more detail in the last issue and also detail the very nice letter the club received from Barnardo’s:

Take A Break works in partnership with Perth and Kinross Council. The aim is to try and recruit families or individuals living in P&K area who would be willing to share the care of a child with learning disabilities. Firstly, to provide a break to caring parents, (this can be anything from a few hours, perhaps once weekly, to occasional weekends and holiday periods) but also, as importantly, to offer new experiences to the child or your person. The Scheme caters for the age range 0 – 19 years.

At present, they have some 15 carer families regularly providing breaks for around 12 children. Overall, given the tremendous goodwill that exists within the area, they like to feel that the Scheme has been successful and has supported parents in the care of their children.

However, the demand for support continues to grow. At present, they have a number of children on their waiting list and therefore they need to find more families or individuals willing to help.

Might you be interested in finding out more? Ask Sue for a leaflet or contact Take A Break Tel: ********** for further details.

The aim of group riding is for everyone to have fun and enjoy the ride out. However, if not conducted properly group riding can be a very harrowing experience and expose individuals to greater dangers than normal solo riding.

There are a few basic understandings which must be applied, therefore, ensuring enjoyment and safety for everyone participating

All riders must fully understand the route, critical points and stops prior to setting off, if you don’t - please ask.

Each rider must remain within their own "comfort zone" and if you are using the ride out as an instructional tool, then riders must be paired with a ride buddy.

Stops should be frequent and used for a means of developing discussion and encouragement for the less experienced.

Group riding is not a method for showing off. Speed riding is not the aim; it is the development of skills. Collective enjoyment is the only aim of group riding.

All riders should think how their riding affects others.

Final Note: Group riding should have a recognisable start and a finish point, through which everyone passes therefore, no rider will be posted missing.

Handy Tip:

If you keep the following bike in sight in your mirror, any problems/mishaps can be identified earlier, this also has the knock-on effect of eventually letting the leader know there is a problem.

SUCCESS
At age 4 success is - not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is – having friends.
At age 17 success is – having a license.
At age 20 success is - having sex.
At age 35 success is - having money.
At age 50 success is - having money.
At age 60 success is - having sex.
At age 70 success is - having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is - having friends.
At age 80 success is - not peeing in your pants.

Meet at 7.00 at Triangle for short run out beforehand if you wish. This meeting is to discuss final arrangements for Lossiemouth (Saturday 30^th August), plus end of season bash dates etc.

Well Les finally made an honest woman of Steph on Friday 1^st August, and we’d like to wish them all the best for the future. And as ever - the PLMCC wanted to get in on the act! Instigated by Sue and Tilda. Moira, Jules, Kath and myself joined them and took on the roles of 'Flower Bikers'  This was certainly a way to stop the traffic

BMF Kelso Bikefest 13^th July TOO LATE MISSED IT but here’s what it is all about. Held in Kelso's Springwood Park in fantastic biking country. This yearly event always provides a good range of stands, attractions and camping facilities. I know that quite a few of the girls managed to go and came back a lot poorer (we women like to spend money – mainly on biking equipment!)

Stormin' the Castle 5th,6th,7th September 2003 Stormin' the Castle is the largest motorcycle rally in the North East, attracting 5000 like minded people, who in general, like/ride motorcycles, listen to good music and party. www.storminthecastle.co.uk

Saints & Sinners (Sorry Now Sold Out) 12th September http://uk.geocities.com/saintsandsinnersmcc

Mutineers MCC - 3rd Rat Arsed Rally 3rd-5th October
North Of Glasgow, Rock DJ, Live Bands, Silly Games, Cheap Booze, Badge For first 250 £10 PreBook £15 on the gate Phone Kenny on 07808763231

10 things men know about women:

1:                       2:                     3:                         4:                         5:                          6:
7:                       8:                     9:                        10: They have breasts !!

and Another

An Amish woman is driving her horse and buggy down the road when she gets pulled over. "You have a broken reflector on your buggy," says the cop. "But, more important, one of your reins is looped around that part of the horse that I can't mention. Nevertheless, that's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away."

Later that day, the woman tells her husband: "A policeman pulled me over today for two reasons. First, he said the reflector was broken." "Well, that's easily fixed," says her husband. "What else?" "I'm not sure," she says. "Something about the emergency brake."

FOR SALE - FOR SALE - FOR SALE
Yamaha Diversion 660S J Reg, £995.00 ovno Tel: *******

Suzuki GT500 1977 Red, very good condition, good runner, long MOT & Tax Tel: *******

Yamaha Virago 535 Burgandy & Cream R Reg, Mint condition, less than 2000 miles on the clock £2,600.00 ono Contact Rachael on ******** or ********

and another one:

The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man
Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe – ruled by a dick.

If you can't make it, please arrange directly to swap with another person.

Aug 6th Ruth & Lesley
Aug 13th Tracey & Jackie H
Aug 20th Moira & ??? (Sue can you do this one)
Aug 27th Karen A & Lynn
Sept 3rd Tracey & Moira
Sept 10th Ruth & Jacky H
Sept 17th Gillian Peebles & Edith (Gillian can you confirm if you two would take this?)
Sept 24th Karen A & Lesley

Oct 1st Steph & Lynn

and finally

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"

A biker riding home from the watering hole bites the dirt and goes to meet his maker. The Almighty welcomes him with open arms but asks him for his opinion of His greatest creation... woman. The biker thinks for a minute and responds, "Oh, she's wonderful. But let me ask you something. Why'd you make her so pretty?" "Oh, I did that so you'd like her." "And why'd you make her so sexy?" "I did that so you'd like her too."

"Well then, why'd you make her so freaking stupid?" "OH, I did THAT so she'd like YOU!"

That’s all folks, I’ll now hand you back to Helen. Happy and safe riding hope to see you all soon. Cheers, Lynn